Each of us at one time or another has had to work with, or for, people we had a hard time getting along with. We’ve all had to learn to deal with the challenges that type of relationship brings. There are really only a few ways to deal with these people, and unfortunately, some of them are negative or ineffective.
You can ignore them, but that has many downsides. You can end the relationship or decide to leave, which can mean quitting the organization. There are, however, some other options. In most cases, they require you to be ready to make changes in how you relate and deal with people.
One definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different outcome. The same thing can be said about trying to get people to change their behaviors. If you want people to change the way they do things, you have to change the manner in which you interact with them. It may take a few tries to find the behavior you have to change in order to get the needed change out of the individual, but don’t give up.
I had an acquaintance who worked for a manager who seemed unable to make decisions. Proposals his subordinates sent him never came back and were never addressed. My acquaintance found that emails sent using the company intranet system recorded when they were opened, so he began to send his proposals as emails. At the end of each one, he would state that unless he heard otherwise, he would proceed to implement what he had proposed. In five years he got responses to only two of his emails. His behavior change in sending the emails caused his manager to either respond or give tacit approval to go ahead Behavior with coworkers can also be changed by modifying your own behaviors. If people do something that causes a problem and the typical response is, “That’s just how they are,” then a different set of behaviors should be employed to encourage change. This could be as simple as defining the impact an individual’s behavior may have, or explaining why the behavior is unappreciated, or choosing to not associate with the person while at work unless absolutely required.
Anyone who has children knows that telling a child repeatedly not to do something is unlikely to cause any real change. Breaking the cycle and including positive or negative consequences is the first step to changing behavior. Recognize that changing an individual’s long-term behavior patterns isn’t easy, but change in most cases won’t happen if steps aren’t taken to trigger that change.
Getting people to change their behaviors can be frustrating and time-consuming, and it takes a commitment to finding the right behavioral changes in yourself that cause the desired change in the other person. One great benefit of helping another person change is that he or she often starts to feel like things are going better, or that people are starting to act friendlier. Of course, they usually have no idea why things have changed.